the day that i always felt was a "hallmark holiday", grows more and deeper in my soul every year, and i've spent some time trying to reflect on why.
maybe it's because i have transitioned into the mother of all teenagers...
i've been "in the trenches" longer, if you know what i mean. i've had to maneuver through life's obstacles, triumphs, and disappointments with my 3 children, long enough to experience happiness and heartache for them and WITH them in many different ways.
could it be that they have become more attached to my soul than i ever thought they could?
maybe i've seen enough, to recognize the strength it takes to be a mom...to try to match every decision alongside what is best for the children. to know when to hug, to know when to say "no", how to encourage, and to always love unconditionally.
maybe it is because i've watched foster moms, and moms who have adopted children, love so fiercely, and fight with every momma bear instinct for the children that call them, and long to call them, "mom."
then, as i let these thoughts soak in, i think as to what this past year personally has shown me as well.
to watch my mom let go, so honorably and honestly to the husband that she loved so.
i know that hurting with her, and learning from her, my love for her has never been greater.
as i longed and tried as i could to step in to be there for her, we then began to watch my 92 year old grandmother start to slip away as well. and even still engulfed in grief, i've watched my mom, be there as her daughter. fighting for her mom, praying for her, and tending to her.
and i too, began my goodbyes to my beloved mum mum.
putting all of this together, as i type, i have to think, "yes", i have LEARNED to have a deeper appreciation for the role that a mother plays. my life experiences have granted me this insight. my work has granted me this insight.
here are a few i can share:
i've witnessed a mom give birth, only to say good-bye to her baby on this earth. i've heard the guttural cry - a sound i will never forget as she let go of her infant.
i've been there when a mom looks at her daughter in her bridal gown for the first time, and has fought back tears.
i've watched the sacrifices and commitment of mothers, who became single mothers. i've seen their charge as they worked tirelessly, became creatively resourceful, and still made time to "take in" all of the experiences of the children that they love.
i've been the one to double over in pain, for the distress i've seen in my own babies' lives.
i've stood in tears and complete awe as i witnessed the birth of my niece.
i've observed with such wonder, as a woman becomes a mom, and immediately adapts to the role, just as if they were always meant to be this new person...
and i've been on the receiving end, grateful to be a daughter (to TWO special women - my mom and mother in law). i've been privileged to receive the love, care and prayers that only a mother can give.
you know, mother's day may be a "hallmark holiday. "
and that's ok...
because to me it's not about the cards, or gifts that are bought or received.
it's about the role, the commitment and love...
that only a mother can give.