falling and flying

last night something happened to me that i won’t forget for quite awhile…like probably a week and a half :)

kindly step into my world for about exactly 6 minutes if you will.  


i was at my studio for most of the afternoon getting some things done.  

charlie had cooked pork chops and i looked at the time…

i would have enough time to run home, scarf down a pork chop

(why does pork chop sound funny?),

then get back to the studio in time for a meeting i was having. 

 

i had on my jeans…

you know, the only ones that i have bought in the past year - so they both FIT and are “in.”

 

about the time i parked on the side of the house, it started POURING….the kind of pouring that even with your windshield wipers on full blast it’s hard to see…

 

i had this oh so convenient pretty pink umbrella….blah

i look over at the 60 feet i need to cross from the car to the home door, and make my move.

 

popping up the teensy umbrella, i DO NOT RUN. 

i walk briskly and my convenient umbrella becomes useless. 

it gets blown upside down…

with the wind and falling water whipping my hair….

and i had my hair done for the meeting….

and THEN….

 

the toe of my boot hits the heel of my other boot.

and i became alice in wonderland…falling down that ugly rabbit hole.

i do this "running man thing" while screaming (why am i screaming?),  

“i’m gonna fall…i’m gonna fall…i’m gonna fall.”

this lasted for about eight run-steps, propelling me forward, then

BAM

pushing me full force onto the brick and gravel walk.  in the pouring rain. 

 

i’m spread eagle - arms AND legs…

face down in the gravel with that dang umbrella next to my cheek. 

i couldn’t move!

i started crying…(i admit it)

could my girls have heard me fall? (on the brick and gravel???????)

would they miraculously come to my aid?

 

thinking fast, i think…”no!  i need to get to them!”

but i can’t, because everything hurts so bad!

(i once had a theater scholarship….it so comes in handy every once in awhile as i draw out drama with my words)

i’m crying…

looking for my purse thinking, " i can text them!!!"

but where is my purse?  

i can’t see because my now drenched hair is in my face and my tears plus the rain have me in what looks like the underside of a waterfall…

 

so i start to scoot…surely and slowly….to the door…..then bang on it.

 

my poor jordy had no clue what she was looking at!

i ripped my only pair of nice jeans (that fit), i had rocks embedded in my hands and forearms, and i fall to the chair…

jordy and london each get a boot, and i cry some more…

i disrobe in my kitchen….(we have a ton windows but who cares)….

i check out my knees…my arms….my back thighs (how they got injured i do not know, for i had landed face down remember?)

and then i ask…

 

“girls…sob sob….my hair….is it ok?  i have a meeting in 30 minutes.”

they looked at each other, then back to me, london bit her lip, and jordy shook her head “no.”

and they helped me upstairs.

 

 

i only had time to clean up my face, fully blow dry my hair, (no flat iron because NO TIME)…

i ate a few bites of the pork chop, and hobbled back to my studio.

my clothes still wet.  

who am i?

the joelle i know, smiles all the time, laughs, is WAY too graceful to fall on her face

(I’ve tried before but have been miraculously saved…but that is another story for a laugh)….

the joelle i know, owns SURELY at least 5 pair of jeans…

does not go to doctors to help me cope and smile, and would never attend a meeting with ONLY hair dryer blown hair….

 


 

but this joelle is different.


i sure have found this in the falling…and yes, the flying my heart does.

 

reading over a text tonight…i can’t help but stand in awe

i read a text from a loving, dear friend, who i met not even two years ago,

as a mother of a bride of a wedding that i was shooting…

she cared about me enough to point out signs of depression that she saw in me,

lovingly but boldly encouraged me to get help.

she sent me cards…texted me…loved on me…

 


please do not let me minimize something….


i NEVER KNEW how many people cared about me

about my heart…about helping me, loving me, encouraging me…

for no reason at all -

until i started falling.

friends from grade school, middle school, high school, church, relatives across the country and friends at home…

our family that even in their own struggles, have reached out and selflessly given, prayed and helped me.

 

falling in so many ways has been utterly humbling…

ladies…its’ like the feeling of when you give birth…

and you have NO control over how you look, lay, push, are strapped down…

who looks, touches, and how you sound….

falling…my falling has been this similar…

 

but the hope, the prayers, the friends, and love….

 


and oh yes, back to that text tonight…


she finished off that text with this:  

“you bring a smile to my heart….i love you forever.”

my client first, companion and confidant later.

 

and i recall another special person in my life who once wrote me this:

“it takes strength to be emotionally honest - 

to show pain - 

but even though you are in pain, you stay the course - 

you continue with the course set before you -

you do what needs to be done for others even though quitting would be easier for you…”

 

 

this is me -

resolute.

humbled…loved on…hope filled…sore :)….

 

as i fall….

and

as i fly. 

 

 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "

-Hebrews 12:1-3