the problem with being good -

it was 2007, and inside, i was on fire.

i had a camera, an impulsive momentum to succeed and gorgeous models to boot.

on a whim, my sister shannon and i planned our dream shoot...

we found a gown on clearance, mapped our 3 hours of perfect early morning sun and locations, i found a babysitter, and 12 hours later, we were shooting. 

i drew from every creative inch within myself and shot away.

i didn't want to be like anyone else.

in fact at that time, i had little to go on...

new and exciting was the digital age, where creatives were just starting to spread their wings and try to find what could be brought to photography that had not been there before...

no online courses or you tube videos and very few blogs at the time. 

i had been educated through individual instruction, books, and a correspondence photography course. 

it was a time of, anything goes...

funky camera angles and if a shot was fuzzy, decrease the saturation and call it artistic.  

(see what i mean?))  

 

 

i remember coming home and going through the images...

my mom was raving that she had never seen anything like these shots, and   

that she wanted every single image...that i was certainly a full blown professional now. 

 

who could forget that feeling?

dang, i could do this!

i felt it.  i was good. 

but then, all my life, i've been good. 

a good singer

a good actress

a good softball pitcher

a good student


you wanna know the problem with being good?

it's easy so stay good, and not push to greatness. 


 

it's a forever battle within the soul of a "talent."

and a battle that i personally confront again and again.

who i am promised to be, who i am committed to be, who i long to be...and where i need to go to complete my journey...

 

i look back at the images shot that day, and i see so many things that i couldn't see then. 

a camera angle with no purpose..

a longing to find my style by breaking the rules...

a poor location choice...

(later, my brother would inform  me that i had completed the shoot in front of toxic waste trailers...)

posing that was not representative of the subject i was shooting, and although at the end, an image that i loved, an image that had no purpose.  

where would shannon or my mom for that matter hang an image of shannon with wet hair draped across her face?

what i do see, from even then, is a desire behind my camera to show people something that they can not see themselves...

and that is why i am here now. 

Ecclesiastes 3The Message (MSG)

There’s a Right Time for Everything

3 There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

 


in the past year, for me, it was a time for a break.

a time that i needed to stop planning and dreaming and collaborating.

a time that i needed to feel the reality of some hard times in my life, so truly, i could move past them...

to rest in the fact that i could let things run on their own for awhile, simply because so many parts of me needed to take a break.


but run for too long without purpose, and you're running in circles.


there is a time to put all you have learned,

all you do,

all you know how to do,

all you love to do,

and what you are called to do, 

in a package and wrap it all up.

you wrap it all up with purpose

with pride

with experience

with value

with quality

with heart

with knowledge

with direction

and with truth

 

today, i'm returning to Essenza 

to show individuals who they are at this present time.

you will never be here again.  

and you will need to remember with purpose...

 that the craziest, most exhausting, draining time of your life, was also your most beautiful...

the lightness in her step before it is replaced with the world and all of it's realities 

the way her innocence could light up a room...

the way she would look deep into your eyes with a mischievous grin..

the way her tiny fingers would get caught in your hair...

the way the wind would blow across her angelic face...

the way you could still see the world as a canvas of bright opportunity...

the way you made time to stop and got dressed up for a portrait that you and generations to come will cherish...

your beautiful swollen belly, and the pressure of her tiny kicks..

the stunning woman she was and was becoming

the way the world fit together as you held onto one another's hands

the way his hand fit on your belly and the hope you held for your unborn child

 her style that you couldn't understand at the time, but loved it still the same

the confusing, freeing and beautiful moments of your twenties...

the long limbs, long hair and free spirit she had right before she stepped out on her own...

how it was sexy to mess your hair and to be in the simplicity of the moment

her youthful beauty right on the brink of adulthood..

AND

that just as the most vibrant flowers change, as does life.  

that one must grasp the exquisite opportunity at the moment it is presented. 

one cannot go back to rectify the angle...the purpose, the mood.

your daughter

your mother

your lover

the design, the heart, the moment - yes, all the pieces put together...

invaluable.

Essenza 

 

Featuring:

Florals: Brady Street Florist

Vignette Styling: Honeydew Vintage