i have a list of wants...

if you are like me, you might just have a list of "i wants."

i want to have more free time.

i want to be a perfect wife.

i want to be a better mom.

i want to be a better communicator.

i want to be a better business owner.

i want to be excellent.

i want to be real.

i want to be wise.

i want to give more.

i want to listen more.

i want to love more.

blah…..i'll save you any more of my extensive list. 

shooting and editing session after session these past few weeks, answering email after email, phone call after phone call….oh, and i'm a mom!  my wants slowly gave way to my needs. 

the more i tried to satisfy my wants, the emptier i became. 

i woke up 2 weeks ago, with back and arm pain, and unable to move my right arm.   (i'm getting some strength back)

i couldn't hold a toothbrush, a brush, my computer mouse, my camera.

i couldn't open the creamer for my coffee, let alone pour my coffee.

all fo a sudden, the striving to be and do all i had wanted, left me in a broken pile of need.

i pride myself on being spiritually and emotionally strong.  

not because that is how i naturally am, but because of the situations that have entered my life over the years, and how i have searched for the plan and grace and mercy of God as i have walked through each one.  

as different hardships hit my life, i learned more and more that i had no control and that my strength could nowhere near hold me up.

you think i would have learned. 

see, as i have let my life became filled with everything i want to be, do, or have, the big "I" got in the way again.  

we weren't made to be able to do it all. 

we weren't made to "be" it all. 

and as dave bish, of tri-county church pointed out yesterday, "it is better to do the right things, than to do things right."

does that make sense?  

in other words, all my wants, were getting in the way of my actions.  

"I" was getting in the way of the simplicity of life that i am offered.

and it is, if only i choose to do the right things…

as the opportunities open in front of me, then satisfaction, and peace, contentment, and well, Christ like living can enter in.  

Matthew 6:30 (the translation from The Message) says it best:

30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

and as this whole lesson to me comes into focus, the "right things" wind up as moments and those moments, become life. 

a good life…a right life.