just a little more naked, peeling my onion

 

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oh these onion layers kill me.  

each layer seems to make my eyes water more and more. 

i don't know about you, but peeling onions is torture for me.  

my little jordan and i, often peel them together  (she is our aspiring cook) .

it doesn't matter what i try…

chewing gum while slicing, turning me head away from the onion, keeping my eyes squinted…i end up with tears running down my face, and a burning in my nose.  

jordan kicks out sooner than me, once the burn starts - she's outta there. 

me, i have no choice.  onions need peeled and sliced. 

i don't like it, but i do it.  

i suppose this is the way things have been for me lately... 

as i peel these layers away publicly for you. 

i do want to show you what is underneath…i want to get to that part! 

but it sends tears down my cheeks and i want to cop out and just stop peeling and slicing.  

at the beginning of the year, i referenced susannah conway's course, Unraveling the Year Ahead.   one of the biggest parts of the workbook, is putting together a "WORD" for your new year.  what you will strive to be and do. 

my word was "RELENTLESS." 

geesh.  what was i thinking? 

sure it was something i wanted to be, but little did i know what would happen inn life to carve me into "living" that word. 

-the new year was a time that set charlie and i on a journey of making this business "our thing alone."   it is both of our full time jobs.   it can be defeating…it can be exhausting…it can be wonderful, but it can be extremely overwhelming.  it has pushed me in so many ways to become relentless. 

-it has been a time for me that life long relationships that i have had, have come to a screeching halt.  relentless has taught me to trust in what i believe.  who i am, what i stand for, what i am able to carry, and what i allow to be brought into my life.  relentless has taught me about boundaries and setting them up in my life to protect me and what who i love most…charlie and my kids.  relentless has been painful, sad, depleting, but empowering. relentless has become wiped tears, and forging ahead.   

-relentless has been revealing to me.  about our business.  about what i am called to do, and what i love to do most.  it has set me on a path that is becoming very different than what i have done before as joelle watt unscripted, or joelle watt studios.  it is opening a new path for me to teach about what i love, and to share with others about what i have learned…through photography and through living life.  very soon, relentless in this way will be revealed to you. 

-relentless has taught me to strive but to accept.  it has taught me that choices that i make in my life will change my life.  that others may not understand my motives, my vision, or my heart, but that it is ok for me to accept this, and to find joy in it.  it has taught me that although i strive for new living room furniture, and a new vehicle, that by me being relentless, i can be content in accepting the present exactly as it is while i look forward to great things to come.  

-relentless has taught me to give.  that is, giving in a way that is difficult for me.  it has taught me that in order to keep moving onward in this battle of life, that i need to give what i cannot handle or control over to the ONE who can.  to tell you how many times in one night, i pray, "i can't carry this God, it is yours…" it would be in the hundreds i'm sure.  but this is the only way i can be relentless.  the only way i can carry on, is to carry what is MINE to carry, and to hand over what is not.  it is a conscious decision that i make over and over.  

relentless, i believe, has become a word in my life that, true to it's meaning, will remain there for all time.  the lessons it teaches me,  the character it builds in me,  the truth it allows me to see... 

and there you have it….a few layers and a few slices! 

that wasn't so bad!
i realize at the end of this post, that the tears and the burning happened way before i sat down at my computer to share this!  now, to clean up this kitchen and start to show you what i've made with all this onion peeling!  stay tuned!